Let’s Get Juiced!
Posted on 16 April 2009
Some time ago Devoted Spouse and I went on a mini-health kick. I call it mini because it lasted only about 3 days. That’s pretty good for us actually.
We had been watching Jack LaLane - he’s the thousand year old healthy weight lifter exercise guru who now does the infomercials for juicing. We decided maybe we should juice some of our veggies and that would make us healthier.
We found a health magazine with a detox recipe for juicing. We bought it. We found a Jack LaLane juicer machine at Target (almost $100 - jeez louise Jack) - we bought it. We went to the grocery store and bought things in all colors, beets, carrots, zuccini, spinach — various fruits - you name it; if it was in the produce section we bought it. The cashier looked at us like we were insane.
We went home - set up the juicer - readied the fruit and followed the detox recipe - and juiced the crap out of everything. Then we drank glass after glass as instructed. We did this for one entire day. Devoted Spouse was most unhappy as he doesn’t think it is normal to drink dark green things. I tend to agree.
Guess what? We were both sick as dogs for 3 days. I have never had so many stomach pains in my life. We both spent hours in bathrooms flushing till I thought the toilets would rise up and revolt. So, I hate juicing - and will buy my juice in a carton or a glass jar from now on.
The county water company called to alert us we were using a tremendous amount of water at our house suddenly and should they come out and look for leaks? I told them we must have just forgotten to turn off the hose to the garden again — gah.
I don’t like Jack LaLane; I don’t care how many hundreds of years he has made it through - he and his juicer can kiss my sore butt! awww crap on a crutch!
10 responses to Let’s Get Juiced!
Jack is too eerie to be on TV any more. I’d rather die than look like that in my 90s
I know God love his heart he looks like leather that wasn’t processed correctly.
Hi Crappie,
LMAO.
OMG, No you didn’t!
BF and I have the same juicer and we only use it when we feel like digging for it in in closet.
And we only juice CARROTS. Forget about all that other crap. It tastes like CRAP.
OMG, the beets make everything turn blood red. And the celery makes you gag.
Yep, just stick to carrots, and throw in a few oranges for good measure.
Let me know how it goes
(yeah, right).
I now juice things like carrots or something simple like a fruit smoothie in my blender. The Juicer is going in the garage sale where Jack LaLane should also go - he looks like one of those leatherized mummies they find sometimes in Egypt…ick
PS
Is that old dude Jack still alive?
Yes the other night I couldn’t sleep and there he was hawking his &*(&^^&& juice machine on an infomercial - looks like death on a soda cracker.
I remember as a kid, watching my mother exercise along with him. As for juicing–no thanks I’ll stick to my blueberry, yogurt, banana smoothies. Best way to start the day. Well, one of those and a gallon of coffee…
I’ve been doing a yogurt and berry/banana mixture in the mornings, too, with a little wheatgerm added and I like it lots! The gallon of coffee is a given dahlink!
Hi,
I stumbled on to your most unfortunate juicing story. I was sorry to hear that it killed juicing for you… a real loss. Juicing can be incredible but you have to learn a few basics.
I would suggest starting with carrots like mentioned above.
A good combo for beginners is carrot, apple, celery… or maybe just apple, celery. Ease your way into the dark greens.
I hope you might give juicing one more try with the suggestions above… you may be surprised. If you want more info and some free sample recipes you can get them on my site.
Good luck
I don’t think it was the juicing as much as the recipe - too much too fast for both of us and it made us sick. I still do some minor juicing (carrots, apples, etc and enjoy it) But i’ll never go back to the big time heavy duty juicing - beets just make too much of a mess and tear up my stomach. I’ll continue to cook them thank you. Thanks for visiting and I’ll come see you for some more ideas!
Seriously, that is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a very long time. I feel bad for laughing so loud and so long and so hard at your pain. ROFL
I honestly thing the jacka$$ who wrote the recipe in the magazine should have to drink his own recipe and let’s see how the heck HE feels. Detox my foot - liked to kill me. It was funny afterwards - we couldn’t believe we had actually fallen for that crap (no pun intended). I was peeing red (obviously from all the beets) and I thought I was internally hemorrhaging it was that bad. Not only that, the machine itself must weigh 20 pounds and it’s huge. Nah, from now on if I want juice I’ll either buy it, or jam some carrots in my high power Cuisinart and then press them through a sieve. Nah, I’ll just buy the juice. Gah.
Yes.. well you have to be careful with beets. Hippocrates said “beets are medicine”. The are very good for you and very potent. The rule of thumb is juice no more than one third beets of the total mix.
Let’s say you were juicing celery, apples and beets for one person….. you would juice one third of a beet, a couple stalks of celery, and an apple.
Give it a shot….
Happy Juicing!
Thanks for the valuable and kind advice - I’ll be buying my juice from now on and eating cooked beets.
I’m with SMB. I laughed so hard I thought I’d burst a blood vessel.
LOL I can’t stop laughing at the water company calling you about how much water you were using.
Thanks for this great big belly laugh….at your sore butts expense. LOL ROFL
Aren’t ya’ll just tickled to death I share this stuff with you??? To this day if I see a raw beet in the grocery store I shudder.
Oh…My…God! Detoxing your system means cleaning out your system like you are getting ready for a colonoscopy! The detox just means “naturally” instead of with the chemical laxatives they give you as the colonoscopy prep. I have IBS so I know how you both were feeling and I can sympathize but damn I laughed….sorry….heehee!
Devoted Spouse was in so much pain I thought I’d have to take him to the hospital. It was one of the most horrible experiences of our lives - I still can’t look at raw beets at the grocery store!
Heh. That’s what shocking your system will do. If you decide to try again, just do a little bit at a time. However, after that, I couldn’t imagine that you’d ever want to look at that machine again… unless of course, it’s in the crapper! Tehehe!