Crap on a Crutch

Bed, Bath, and Enough Already!

Posted on 14 January 2010 | 2 responses

I like Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  I go there once in awhile.  But not often.  I don’t need that much.  And, yet, they insist on sending me a coupon for $5 off or 20% off at least every other week.  I have 157,872 of these flippin’ coupons in various places around the house.  Enough already with the coupons.  Dear Bed, Bath, and Beyond:  Please take the gazillion dollars you spend yearly on these stupid coupons and use it to LOWER your prices.  That would make me happier.  Well, crap on a crutch…

Exercise Fail

Posted on 2 January 2010 | 2 responses

So it’s a New Year and I hobble down to the basement complete with my mp3 player loaded and charged to hop on the old treadmill and start walking off the holiday pounds and I find the elves didn’t finish what they set out to do.  Little difficult to walk when you can’t find a spot for your feet…Well, crap on a crutch.

What is it With Me and Appliances This Year?

Posted on 2 November 2009 | 4 responses

All I wanted to do was dry the bed coverlet.  No big deal.  I took it out of the washing machine and put it in the dryer.  Twenty minutes later you could smell the burning upstairs.  The dryer motor died a horrible death.  Devoted Spouse pulled the dryer away from the wall and started to take it apart but we could tell from the smell it was the motor.  Twelve years was the lifespan of this dryer.  Its mate the washer is also 12 years old - the washing machine will probably go Tango Uniform any moment.  So I made a pre-emptive strike — I went to the Big Orange Box Of Toys (aka Home Depot) and bought a new Maytag washer and dryer.  2009 has been the year from hell with appliances - truly, the only appliance left in this house that has not broken this year is the hot water heater and I’m almost afraid to even mention this.  New furnace, new air conditioning, new stove/oven and range, new refrigerator, new washer and dryer.  Well crap on a crutch.

How Hard Can it Be to Peel Off a Little Plastic??

Posted on 28 September 2009 | 4 responses

I’m so very tired of being drastically disappointed in the quality of service these days.  When we had our refrigerator break lately and replaced it with a new Kenmore, two very nice young men delivered the new refrigerator.  They moved like they were on a mission.  I’m sure they had a timetable to keep, but they seemed to be in too much of a hurry to be done and out of my house.  They were getting ready to leave and I remarked that they hadn’t peeled off the plastic from around the refrigerator.  (It was entirely wrapped in a plastic covering.)  They told me I should wait about two hours for the refrigerator to warm up and the plastic would simply peel off - in other words, they weren’t going to do it, I was.  I was amazed.  But I had a new refrigerator and I simply wanted this episode to be over so I let them leave.  Two hours later I tried to peel off the plastic.  Guess what?  It didn’t come off simply; in fact, there is plastic around both handles on the doors of the refrigerator section and around the handle on the freezer section below and you simply cannot peel it further.  I could use a knife but I’d probably damage the finish on the refrigerator.  So I called Sears and talked to them about how unhappy I was to be left in this situation.  Are you ready for their solution?  I have to unscrew the door handles just a little bit — enough to pull the plastic out from under the handles  — and then screw them back on.  Unbelievable.  For this type of service I paid a small fortune.  Well crap on a crutch…

Want Some Ribs With That Sauce?

Posted on 12 September 2009 | 4 responses

About a week or so ago I went to City Barbecue and picked up some ribs for myself and Devoted Spouse.  I requested extra bbq sauce.  Several days later as I walked through my living room in the evening I noticed some pieces of plastic by my rocking chair, so I bent down (ouch) and picked them up and took them to the kitchen to throw out.  I didn’t go back into the living room.  Actually I wasn’t in our living room for at least 3 more days.  Then one morning I walked through to get to my comfy chair and noticed something on the carpet in front of the rocking chair - what could it possibly be?  Well, whadd’ya know…it was bbq sauce — apparently our amazing Golden Destroyer, EmmaLou had found one of the containers of sauce (hence the pieces of plastic) on the kitchen counter, dragged it into the living room and devoured the sauce and chewed apart the container.  I saw the plastic but never noticed the sauce staining the carpet.  I pointed it out to Devoted Spouse assuming he would get the Resolve and clean it up.  As I walked through my living room this morning to get to my comfy chair to begin my schoolwork reading I happened to notice there is still a red-brown section of carpet in front of my rocking chair.  I’m going to have to get the Resolve and do the “bending down” - ouch, myself it seems.  Dang dog.  Well…crap on a crutch!

 

My Kitchen is Now the Pool Area

Posted on 2 September 2009 | 3 responses

Woke up this morning  all happy - Devoted Spouse was sitting on couch reading paper.  I walked into kitchen and noticed a little water…OMG not a little water; there was water 1/4 inch deep everywhere!!!!  Yikes.  Another GE Profile Refrigerator/Freezer had screwed me!  What a mess - there was so much water coming out, I went to the basement for more “dog” (old beach) towels only to notice water was even dripping from the water pipe downstairs that obviously leads to the water connection behind the freezer.  Double whammy - a meltdown on two floors.  Did I mention this is the absolutely LAST time I ever buy anything made by GE???   Well, crap on a crutch!

Get Your Repairman A$$ Over Here Now!

Posted on 27 August 2009 | 8 responses

My $2,000 Jenn Air stove/oven is just about a month and a half old.  It’s a baby.  But today the Sears repairman is coming over because I already have a problem.  Remember not too long ago we installed a new furnace and air conditioner and the first week of using the ac it leaked all over the basement and had major problems?  Well, that’s how life goes over here at Chez Crap On A Crutch - it’s just one stupid thing after another.  The problem with the stove is the top — it’s glass and I followed the manufacturer’s directions and cleaned the top with the stuff  THEY provided but had a little problem getting it to look clean.  I fixed meals on it, let it cool completely, then used the magic STUFF again and I buffed, shined, buffed, shined, buffed, buffed and kept buffing until my arms hurt and I had broken out in a sweat.  There remains a filmy greasy covering on the top of my stove - it does not shine - it does not look clean and it’s getting on my last nerve - I’m not sure it shows up in the pic , you need to look toward the middle bottom (and yes that thing to the right is the crutch - I was afraid of scratching the oven by laying it up there, trust me it’s there) and I just checked; it’s not a good image but I think you can see the greasy look of it - trust me it looks like crap - expensive crap —well, crap on a crutch!

Oh Yeah? Well Look What I Can Do!

Posted on 23 August 2009 | 4 responses

You got mad at me because I ate the foot off my duck.  So I chewed a hole in your new couch pillow.  Take that mom!  That’s right…I’m bad.  I’m EmmaLou.  Well, crap on a crutch!

The Whole Ball of Wax

Posted on 12 August 2009 | 6 responses

In my kitchen is one of those little gadgets that melts fragrant wax - the ceramic pots where you put the tealight underneath and it melts the wax and everything smells yummy.  This particular day I used lime.  Yummy.  I might mention here that this particular wax pot is sitting on one of my antique tole trays on the kitchen island right behind the new stove.  Anyway…after our company left, I went to blow out the little tealight underneath the ceramic pot.  The cross necklace chain I wear around my neck actually got caught in one of the little holes in the tray and I ended up knocking over some of the contents of the pot - hot liquid wax - onto my antique tole tray!  For the life of my I can’t figure out how to get this wax off the tray without further damaging the tray - we managed to sop some up before it hardened.  I’ve thought I might use that little plastic scraper you get when you order stoneware from Pampered Chef.  Does anybody have any ideas for me please?  I hate to destroy or damage this tray - it’s already got some type of stain on it and I don’t want to make it worse.  Well, crap on a crutch!

Sure Go Ahead…Peel Off the Label…I Dare You

Posted on 26 July 2009 | 9 responses

Did you ever buy makeup?  Did you ever buy makeup that has a cover or lid on it?  Did you ever open that cover and lid and discover that for “safety and sanitary” reasons the manufacturer has placed a little sticky piece of paper or a label over the holes in the product (for example on loose face powder)?  Did you ever read the instructions where it tells you to simply peel off the label?  Did you ever try and peel off the label?  Did it come off cleanly, easily, in one nice piece?  I didn’t think so.  This morning all I wanted to do was open some new face powder so I could use some on my shiny face.  The label would not peel.  I got a tweezers to try and gently grab the edge of the label and peel it off.  The label would not be gently grabbed.  I tried another tweezers.  There would be no peeling.  Ten minutes later I had managed to scrape off about half the label allowing enough of the little holes to show in order for me to put the lid back on, turn the product over, and gently shake out some of the powder to use.  Well, crap on a crutch!

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